Limbo it is...

So much has happened and it's time to start blogging again. My emotions have run the full gambit. The line from beginning to end has been completely redefined. There is no doubt that my life is changing, yet it is still uncomfortably too similar. I am under the impression that most couples facing divorce tend to physically separate before or during the process. And most certainly by the time it's 'final'. But why in this crazy world would we do anything predictable?
Most days the discomfort of living in limbo seems apparent only to myself. For the kids not much has changed. Mom has her own room now. Alli and Olivia share a room. There is 'mommy time' during the week and 'daddy time' on the weekends but essentially life for them has been unchanged. Which was one of the goals of going about the separation/divorce in this manner. There have been endless discussions with the kiddos about what is, has, and will be happening. They have approached us with questions and they each own an age appropriate book that explains divorce. I can't help but think that we have thought each detail through to the best of our ability.
Now with the move so close yet so far away the pain and discomfort of living in limbo becomes overwhelming at times. I look at the kids and I catch a glimpse of Sean and I realize I am the only one feeling the desire to hurry this process up. I'm sure Sean is ready to move on, I'm sure he wouldn't want to live this way any longer than was necessary. I also don't doubt that for him right now it's the convenient way to do things. Changing it up, throwing a wrench in it for him would be uncomfortable. I've never seen a man who thrives so much on predictability and convenience. It's just who he is.
I, on the other hand am ready to run. I am ready to stand on my own two feet and go get 'em! I know where I want to be and it's not here. I have a life, a family, waiting for me. I have friends who want to catch up and be there to lean on. I have a new life to get started on. I have a job to find. I have a house to hunt for.I have things that need to be done and ready for the kids.
The one thing I am not ready to leave behind is the kids, who will be patiently waiting with Sean for me to get things in order so we can have a suitable home and a routine worked out.
One day my heart won't feel torn in two. I can't help but feel that the sooner I rip the band-aid the sooner I can be healed. The sooner I can have life the way it should be for all of us.
As far as I'm concerned this whole living in limbo situation is for the birds!