So much has happened and it's time to start blogging again. My emotions have run the full gambit. The line from beginning to end has been completely redefined. There is no doubt that my life is changing, yet it is still uncomfortably too similar. I am under the impression that most couples facing divorce tend to physically separate before or during the process. And most certainly by the time it's 'final'. But why in this crazy world would we do anything predictable?
Most days the discomfort of living in limbo seems apparent only to myself. For the kids not much has changed. Mom has her own room now. Alli and Olivia share a room. There is 'mommy time' during the week and 'daddy time' on the weekends but essentially life for them has been unchanged. Which was one of the goals of going about the separation/divorce in this manner. There have been endless discussions with the kiddos about what is, has, and will be happening. They have approached us with questions and they each own an age appropriate book that explains divorce. I can't help but think that we have thought each detail through to the best of our ability.
Now with the move so close yet so far away the pain and discomfort of living in limbo becomes overwhelming at times. I look at the kids and I catch a glimpse of Sean and I realize I am the only one feeling the desire to hurry this process up. I'm sure Sean is ready to move on, I'm sure he wouldn't want to live this way any longer than was necessary. I also don't doubt that for him right now it's the convenient way to do things. Changing it up, throwing a wrench in it for him would be uncomfortable. I've never seen a man who thrives so much on predictability and convenience. It's just who he is.
I, on the other hand am ready to run. I am ready to stand on my own two feet and go get 'em! I know where I want to be and it's not here. I have a life, a family, waiting for me. I have friends who want to catch up and be there to lean on. I have a new life to get started on. I have a job to find. I have a house to hunt for.I have things that need to be done and ready for the kids.
The one thing I am not ready to leave behind is the kids, who will be patiently waiting with Sean for me to get things in order so we can have a suitable home and a routine worked out.
One day my heart won't feel torn in two. I can't help but feel that the sooner I rip the band-aid the sooner I can be healed. The sooner I can have life the way it should be for all of us.
As far as I'm concerned this whole living in limbo situation is for the birds!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Limbo it is...
Friday, January 8, 2010
Wow!
I guess I took a month off!
December was crazy busy! I had to do all of my Christmas preparation in the beginning of the month. Usually I do it from the day after Thanksgiving until the week before Christmas. This year we were lucky because we were going to visit Nana, Papa Peter, Uncle Travis, Sissy and Uncle Jacob in Atlanta! We were so excited to get to take the kids on such an adventure and to see so much of our family!
We left on December 15th. Nana had our whole 10 days there planned. We went to so many places and had so many experiences, and caught up with family! Here are some of the pictures, and things we did:
On the plane!
I was worried about Olivia since it was a 4 hour flight. But, headphones+Dora playing on the screen right in front of her= A happy 2 year old. It helps that she's such a good little 2 year old. She was interested in airplanes before the trip, so the experience was exciting. Once she started getting antsy there were snacks and then she played 'I want Mom...No, I want Dad' for a while and before she knew it we were there. It definitely could have been worse. The other kids were perfectly behaved. Only needing a couple of reminders to talk quieter.
At the "New World of Coke" with the Coke Bear!
Can you say "Sugar High?!" and....Crash!
Needless to say all of the soft drinks, caffeinated and otherwise, were happily consumed!
We made the boys take the older kids on a walk and to play some basketball while Mom and sisters (meli and I) went on a last minute shopping trip with Olivia. They definitely had fun!
At the amazing Georgia Aquarium...it was so neat! The kids loved it!!
The pre-Christmas Eve festivities...aka Story time...aka Show off the Parker Posing skills!
It was such a treat to hear Papa read the story of Christmas from the Bible as well as his animated rendition of The Night Before Christmas.
After we left Meli took some time to use her teacher skills to educate a giant frog and Travis.
Two Lissa's in a pod aka "Two Balls in a Trough"
We left EARLY Christmas Eve morning. I definitely paid the price for pulling an all-nighter to spend some extra quality time with the siblings. It was worth it, and I would do it again. Regardless, we all arrived home safe and exhausted! I literally laid across Alli and Aubrey on the flight home to catch some zzz's. We obviously weren't stocked up on food after being away for 10 days so we had to take a much dreaded trip to wal-mart to stock up on some necessities and a couple of last minute gifts. It was a close call but we all survived that experience unharmed.
It was a whirlwind and a blast. We had a Merry Christmas and hope you did too!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Who Needs Mashed Potatoes?
This Thanksgiving was fabulous! We had my cousins, Aunt and Uncle out for dinner. My 4 cousins, Miles, Cassie, DJ and Mitzi all go to BYU so I try to have them out once a month for a family dinner. When I heard that Auntie M and Uncle Goomba were going to be in town from Eureka California, I insisted they come for dinner. They didn't know how much I love to cook a good turkey so they were a bit hesitant as they didn't want to over stress their favorite niece. In the end I got my way and out they came. We were also graced by the presence of my beautiful cousin Cassies steady, Justin. It was a pleasant dinner and while we waited for the second car full of guests, Aubrey and Alli knew just what to do. I bet DJ and Miles were especially grateful they took the "short"cut this time. The girls wanted to do "fingernail makeovers!" as Alli so 
observantly renamed painting nails. To be quite honest I was very glad that there were two new victims...ahem, I mean...clients. When Cass showed off her pretty fingers at dinner I had quite a laughing fit. When Sean explained that it wasn't as nearly as hilarious as I found it to be, I had to explain that it is when you have been a participant to the earnest efforts of our well meaning 6 year old who actually paints entire fingers, not just the nail, in bright red paint, It is that funny. Cass and Mitz were very good sports they didn't cringe, complain and even expressed gratitude for their new found beauty and that's just one reason why they are so loved! I suppose there really is nothing to complain about when the only thing that goes wrong is that the turkey is done early. But we wrapped it up tight and let the bird rest while everyone arrived. It truly was lovely and one of my most favorite 
Thanksgivings in recent memory.
and happy!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Fall About You!
I'VE BEEN TAGGED!! I didn't even know until I was re-reading my friends blog...oopsies...I never get tagged so surprise!
1. Favorite season: The Winter, I love snow storms and cold weather!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Oh and...
We applied to jobs for Sean this evening. I guess the Navy is desperately in need of logistic operations managers and lucky for them Sean is the best LOM there is. He just happens to be looking for a job. So we applied to all sorts of exotic places such as Maryland, North Carolina, Texas, Washington and California. Even Hawaii and Alaska. We are ready for an adventure of sorts. 10 years of marriage and we still haven't found the soil that we must plant our roots in so it's possible that we will fly somewhere new and amazing and maybe that is where we'll plant our roots. I'm kind of growing to like this about us... <3
Happy Halloween!
Halloween this year was a blast! I decided that I wanted to decorate early this year, for some reason I'm just in a festive mood. Sean, on the other hand, wouldn't let me put up decorations until it was at least October. (I just wanted to do it the weekend before, so not a huge difference). Then we all got sick (well except for super-immune Connor) and it wasn't a little cold or flu, it was the dreaded H1N1! (dramatic...dun, dun, dunnn) Well we all survived. The irony of it all was I'm not so paranoid about getting vaccines and the week we all caught it was the week I was planning on getting the family vaccinated. Oh well, we suffered anyway and we've all survived. The girls recovered just in time to make it to the short week of school (one day that was all celebration). Their school had a "Character Day" instead of a costume day with all of the limits of schools these days. So kids were allowed to pick out a character of a book. Connor opted out, Aubrey picked Pinkalicious and Alli picked Splat the Cat. Apparently I do read to them enough because each girl picked their own character and I was proud. After having been through 5 years of school Halloween celebrations, this year was by far my favorite. Sometimes kids don't dress up at all (which is a big bummer) and other years they are allowed to dress up but there is a book of limitations. This year the idea was so simple but I thought it was the best because it made the kids think about the books they read and they get to become a character for the day. Love It! Of course Connor is too cool to dress up, but we did have a couple of good conversations about who he could be. We usually get our butts to a real pumpkin patch and do the whole sh'bang but since I was sick until Thursday, that didn't happen. We got our pumpkins at the store, I was bummed but the kids were just happy to be getting pumpkins to carve. I also found out on Friday that there was a 'trunk or treat' party at the church and of course there was no way around that so I threw together some cheap $1 store decorations (a black table cloth and 2 ghost buckets, and battery candles) bought some dry ice and voila! instant trunk decor. The kids had a blast and our trunk was a hit, and we ran out of treats! Olivia learned to say "trick or treat" which was ADORABLE! Olivia was a Candy Corn (yep, again), Alli was a witch, Aubrey was a genie and Connor was Megatron (Transformers). Halloween day the kids were wired, of course, no less is expected. Finally the time came to get ready and visit grandma, Connor and Aubrey caught the trick or treating bug and couldn't get enough. They trick or treated in grandmas neighborhood and then again in our friends neighborhood needless to say we are left with way too much candy. I must say that sometimes I am pleasantly surprised at the behavior of my kiddos. They knew from the very beginning they would only get to keep 5 pieces of candy for themselves but they had an amazing attitude from beginning to end. It was all about having fun for them and that made it fun to watch them and be with them. We played games with some friends, taking advantage of the extra hour to have some fun for ourselves! Overall, it was a great day!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
changes...
So from now on this page will be more positive. More about the joys and focused on my kids and family. I have a new page that is dedicated to my personal journey. I am desperately trying to make some needed changes in my life. Time to live a healthier and happier life. It will be a process, but it's been a long time coming. My new page is Randomness is My Forte'. If you are interested then by all means send me an email and I'll be happy to add you!
megancparker@gmail.com
www.parkers6.blogspot.com
www.randomforte.blogspot.com
